Running for Anna

On December 12, 2010 our family was devastated by the loss of my niece, Anna Rogotzke, on her fourth birthday, to a rare cancer called Alveolar Rhabdomyosarcoma. On December 4, 2011, I ran in the California International Marathon to raise money for the Liddy Shriver Sarcoma Initiative, a leader in the fight against sarcomas. This blog is created to update those interested in my journey and progress as I train for this event and events thereafter.

....And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,
2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3 Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. (Hebrews 12:1-3)

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Let Go, Let God

This post will have little to do with running, so, if that's what you are interested in, you may want to stop reading. 

I don't talk about my job much on here.  Suffice it to say I work full-time and enjoy the environment in which I am employed.  A little over four years ago, I was promoted to a "dream job".  I loved this job.  It was challenging, interesting, and presented variety, which is important to me.  As with all good things, the honeymoon period ends at some point.  I still love this job, but absolutely DON'T love the strain it puts on me and my family sometimes.  I've had to come in and work on approved vacation days.  I'm "on-call" some holidays.  There's no certainty on any given day about when my work day will end, which causes issues with obligations outside of work.  It got to a point where I was unhappy and stressed, even when I wasn't at work.  I've considered asking to be reassigned back to my old position, but felt that, if I did that, people would view me as a quitter or someone who just couldn't hack the demands of the job.  In addition, you get used to a certain level of income and wonder if you can survive if that gets cut back. 

Just in case you think I'm spoiled, I'd like to add here that, prior to my current place of employment, I worked about 14 years in the restaurant / hospitality industry.  Many of those years were in a management position.  I know what it's like to work 50-60 (or more) hours per week and not get weekends or holidays off.  I get that there are people who deal with scheduling problems every single day.  I am GRATEFUL to be in a position now where that doesn't apply (to that degree, anyway).  However, those same feelings of lack of control over my life were surfacing again.

Last week, I nervously approached my supervisor and asked to be reassigned.  Since then, other people in authority have been brought in, and every single one of them has been WONDERFUL.  I didn't hear, "Well, that's what you signed up for when you applied for this job."  They were understanding, compassionate, and willing to do everything they could to help.  It looks like it will work out for me to go back to my old and much less stressful job.

Why does it take so long to try to change your life for the better?  I knew I was unhappy.  I knew I wasn't always pleasant to be around at home.  I knew I was tired, drained, and irritable.  Yet, I was concerned about the perception of others.  Would they think less of me?  Will my family suffer from the reduced income?  Bottom line doesn't matter (well, I don't want my family to suffer, but I think you know what I mean).  Who cares what people think?  And, I think my family would prefer some quality time with a nice wife/mother over a little extra money.  I finally prayed, prayed, and prayed some more asking that God would help me to trust that He was leading me to this decision and He will take care of the aftermath.  And, you know what?  As always, He did take care of it, is taking care of me right now, and will always be there guiding my every step (when I let Him). 

In fact, the best times in my life have come from FINALLY letting go of the feeling that I must control everything and giving it all to God.  You'd think I'd learn by now, right? 


  1. Hey Jen! I've so been there. I was a journalist for eight years--I thought it was my dream job too. But the uncertain and long hours and inability to plan anything non-work-related got to me. I went to library school and love being a librarian (even though it pays MUCH less), and am so glad I did. It works much better with my family in particular--I can't imagine working at a newspaper and having kids.

    I'm glad you made this decision. You won't regret it!

  2. I have a job that I adore. I left it to take my career up a notch. After 6 months I realized it wasn't that stress of transition that was getting to me - it was the fact that I was absolutely UNHAPPY in my new job. I went to my old employer and they welcomed me back with open arms (what a blessing). It took me leaving to realize that I was right where I belonged all the time.